Services

• Anger has consequences are a result of beliefs, thoughts  feelings, and actions

Anger Responses

• Disputes are challenging my beliefs, thought distortions
• Homework – anger worksheet

Anger in my Family

• How do my family members affect my anger?
• Awareness of fuse, ability to know one’s own sense of threat, offering objective information
• Hidden or passive anger

Effective ways of Releasing Anger

• Management skills-management I & II
• Impact of anger
• Anger outline-learning to deal with passive and unresolved anger
• Completion of class, beginning of a lifelong process  < back to top >

If there are dual diagnoses such as underlying bipolar disorder,sociopathy or chemical addiction then additional courses in:

• Recognizing mental disorders
• Where do they come from?
• When do they need treatment?

Understanding addictions:

• The effects of drinking or using drugs during domestic violence.
• Family of origin and use for coping.

Physical and mental health:

• Taking care of yourself.
• When someone needs medication, and how it works.

Social and Group support:

• Learning how and why people need further support systems.
• 12 step program.
• Developing moral norms and social skills.

Relapse prevention:

• Learning character defects and how they trigger relapse of dysfunction.
• Restructuring belief systems.
• Lifelong process
• Certificate of Completion.  < back to top >

Sexual Dysfunction ~ “His grace is sufficient for us.”

What are symptoms of Sexual Dysfunction?  Some symptoms include:

• Difficulty feeling desire
• Difficulty becoming aroused
• Difficulty achieving orgasm
• Inability to enjoy sex without anxiety or pain
• What is the outcome of Sexual Dysfunction?
• Sexual problems are often difficult to discuss, and many individuals are reluctant to come forward and admit they are experiencing difficulties with their sex lives. However, treatment is available for most of these problems. The most important thing is to talk about your problem, and to ask for advice
   
• What are the symptoms of sexual dysfunction?
    In men:
• Inability to achieve an erection or maintain and erection suitable for intercourse (erectile dysfunction)
• Delayed or absence of ejaculation despite adequate sexual stimulation
• Inability to control the timing of ejaculation (premature or retarded ejaculation)
    In women:
• Inability to relax the vaginal muscles enough to allow intercourse
• Inadequate vaginal lubrication before and during intercourse
• Inability to achieve orgasm
    In men and women:
• Lack of interest in or desire for sex
• Inability to become aroused
• Pain with intercourse 
   
• What causes sexual dysfunction?  Causes of sexual dysfunction include:
• Physical causes — Many physical and/or medical conditions can cause problems with sexual function. These conditions include diabetes, heart and vascular (blood vessel) disease, neurological disorders, hormonal imbalances, chronic diseases such as kidney or liver failure, and alcoholism and drug abuse. In addition, the side effects of some medications, including some antidepressant drugs, can affect sexual function.
• Psychological causes — These include work-related stress and anxiety, concern about sexual performance, marital or relationship problems, depression, feelings of guilt, and the effects of a past sexual trauma.
   
  Significant Other Issues  < back to top >

Teen and Adolescent Issues ~ “He will perfect that which concerns you.”
Teens and Trauma - When teens experience trauma they may:

• Begin to question reasons to live, and why hope for a future
• Be more reckless and acting out behavior
• Be preoccupied with death or symbols of death
• Decline in schoolwork, loss of motivation
• Have memory responses: decline in schoolwork, forgetting usual activities
• Decrease in social ability, withdrawal
• Have inordinate fears

Teens need:

• To increase sense of empowerment and hope for the future
• To be understood
• To learn ways to talk or express fears and doubts
• To have a solid peer group
• To understand what are normal reactions
• To engage in external activities, but also take time to care about oneself
• To be treated, if necessary

Children and Trauma – When children experience trauma they may:

• Chatter, withdraw, act out
• Have a limited ability to express
• Take longer to come out of shock
• Have stomach aches, bowel trouble, pains and acting out, or hyperactive behavior
• Regress
• Have nightmares
• Act withdrawn and isolating
• Change sleep and eating habits
• Have bed wetting or thumb sucking
• Be very clingy and fearful
• Be nervous, irritated, and anxious

Children Need:

• Normalcy
• To ask questions
• To be told the truth
• To express their own fears and worries
• To help, if possible
• To forget at intervals
• To be kids

Eating Disorders ~ “He will finish the good work He has begun in you.”

Eating disorders are often noticed during adolescence.

The first major difficulty in treating eating disorders is often the resistance by everyone involved:

• The anorexic person often believes that the “thin look” is desirable and even attractive.
• The bulimic person may feel that purging ( throwing up, or using laxatives) is the only way to prevent obesity.
• Even worse, the anorexic condition may be encouraged by friends who envy thinness or by dance or athletic coaches who encourage low body fat.
• The family itself may deny the problem and become manipulative, adding to the difficulties of treatment.
• It is very important that the person and any close friends and relatives be informed about the serious potential of these conditions and the importance of receiving immediate help.

Getting Rid of Unrealistic Expectations
Some may drop out of programs if they have unrealistic expectations of being "cured" simply through the therapists' insights. Before a program begins, the following possibilities should be made clear:  The process is painful, and requires hard work on the part of the individual seeking help and family.

• A number of therapeutic methods are likely to be utilized in overcoming these difficult disorders.
• Relapse is common, but should not be greeted with despair. (In one study, about 90% of bulimic persons responded to treatments after six years.)

Although the outcome for bulimics is generally more favorable than for anorexics, long-term studies are showing recovery in most people treated for anorexia.

General Treatment Approaches

Psychotherapies:  All eating disorders are nearly always treated with some form of psychiatric or psychological treatment. Depending on the problem, different psychological approaches may work better than others.

• Medications:   A number of medications may be valuable for these persons, depending on the type of eating disorder, psychiatric state, and severity of the condition.
• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy:  Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) works on the principle that a pattern of false thinking and belief about one's body can be recognized objectively and altered, thereby changing the response and eliminating the unhealthy reaction to food.
  o Interpersonal Therapy:  Interpersonal therapy deals with depression or anxiety that might underlie the eating disorders, along with social factors that influence eating behavior. This therapy does not deal with weight, food, or body image at all. The goals are the following:
   To express feelings.
   To discover how to tolerate uncertainty and change.
   To develop a strong sense of individuality and independence.
   To address any relevant sexual issues or traumatic or abusive event in the past that might be a contributor of the eating disorder.
• Family Therapy
   Family attitudes play a major role in eating disorders.
   First steps in treating the person with early-onset anorexia are to also treat the family.
   Family therapy is certainly useful for both younger and older individuals.
   If the person is hospitalized, experts recommend that family therapy start after there has been a gain of weight, but before discharge.  It should usually continue after the person has left the hospital.
   The feelings of intense guilt and anxiety that caregivers experience are probably similar to those produced by living with a person who is suicidal. An over-involved parent may even support the person's eating disorder for various reasons:
  o Some parents may be afraid of releasing some underlying anger or grief directed at the person.
  o Other parents may identify with the goal of thinness, and not even perceive that their child is unhealthily underweight.
   In such cases, it is extremely important that the family fully understands the danger of this disorder, and that they are collaborating in their child's illness, or even death, by encouraging this state.

Source: A.D.A.M. Inc., Well-Connected series
March 31, 2003

FEELING UNSTABLE?

Depression ~ “Sorrow may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning.”

• There are 9 million suffering from depressive illness during any six month period.  It is one of the most frequently diagnosed disorders. 
  o The Federal government now has recognized depressive disorder as a medical illness, and given parity among insurance companies when a patient is diagnosed with this disorder.  This means it gets the same medical benefits as any other medical illness, and is not considered with mental/nervous exclusions.
  o In 1990, costs were estimated at 30 billion dollars, and 17 billion was due to loss of work time.
  o Depression is a whole body illness-affecting our biophysical responses, our emotions/mood, and our thinking/perception.
• Depression IS NOT…..
   A weakness
   Willed away
   Something to “Just pull yourself together” from.
  o Depression can last
    weeks…
    months...
     or even years...
• Depression lasts for a prolonged period (usually over 3 months) vs. periods of sadness associated with unhappy events or circumstances.
  o Sadness & grief are normal reactions and a temporary response to life’s stressors, which heal with time.
  o Types of Depression
• Major Depression- may occur once, twice, or several times in a lifetime, affecting work, eat, sleep, and other life activities
• Bipolar illness- cycles of depression and mania and may be chronic and recurring
   Dysthymia-  chronic, long-term, not necessarily fully disabling
• Warning Signs of Depression
   Sleep disturbances
   Decrease in energy, feeling slowed down
   Loss of interest in pleasurable activities
   Persistent low, anxious, or empty feelings
   Change in sex drive
   Appetite &/or weight changes
   Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
   Difficulty with concentration or memory
   Chronic aches or body symptoms
   Thinking distortions/suicidal thoughts
• What causes Depression?
   Biochemical factors-neurotransmitters
   Genetic factors
   Environmental & other factors
   Relational problems
   Multiple problems at once/stress
   Personality factors 
• Therapy and Depression
   With available treatment, 80% of people with serious depression-even those with the most severe forms- can improve significantly.  Symptoms usually begin to subside in a matter of weeks.
   Therapy is considered to help a person to begin to move out of a “stuck position”, and may even prove effective without medication in cases that are not pre-existing or severe.
• Types of Therapy
   Behavioral Therapy- focuses on a person identifying negative behaviors, & a plan to change behavior
   Cognitive Therapy- focuses on a person’s negative & irrational thinking, and begins to change thinking patterns to become more wholesome, rational and positive.
   Psychotherapy (may include psychosocial and/or psychodynamic)- dealing with past issues and relationships, which may be affecting the present.  To help a person gain insight.
   Crisis/Problem Solving- dealing with one specific situation causing duress, and focusing on a plan to change it.
   Family Systems- Focusing on the members of a family, and how they interact and affect one another, even if one is considered the problem.
   12 Step Therapy- Using the 12 step principles to deal with a person feeling out of control with compulsive behavior.
   Supportive Therapy- Active/empathetic listening and allowing a person to come to their own conclusions, while reinforcing a positive outcome.
• Self Help and Depression
   Exercise
   Improved nutrition
   Spiritual activities
   Social activities
   Music
   Meditation/relaxation
   Play
   Education & information
   Talking
   Writing
   Journaling

Bipolar illness  ~ “The Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost.”

• Bipolar-Depression and mania - Symptoms of Mania
   Irritability
   Decreased need for sleep
   Racing thoughts
   Poor judgment
   Grandiose notions
   Easily distracted
   Excessively “high” mood

o Bipolar or manic-depressive disorder - (Adapted from the Harvard Mental Health Letter, March 2004)

Bipolar or manic-depressive disorder is one of the better understood psychiatric conditions. We know that its symptoms –
 Swings between uncontrollable elation or irritability and inconsolable misery are the result of a biological maladjustment with a strong genetic basis.
 It’s a complex condition with pervasive emotional and social consequences: alcohol and drug abuse, suicide attempts, and devastating effects of reckless, psychotic or withdrawn behavior on marriage, family life, and employment.
 The symptoms come and go unpredictably, sometimes alternating within hours between mania and depression.
 Many kinds of external stress influence the timing of mood swings.
 People with bipolar disorder must learn about the nature of their illness and the need to take drugs.
 They should know how to organize their lives to avoid catastrophic mood swings, recognize signs of relapse, and get support from their families and friends.

Forms of psychosocial treatment include psycho-education, group therapy, self-help groups, psychodynamic therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and family therapies.

• Psycho-education provides general information about bipolar disorder – symptoms and patterns, associated disorders, and other complications. Psycho-education can also provide information related to the person’s particular situation, such as potential triggers of mood change.
• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy helps bipolar persons monitor their behavior and correct their distorted thinking. Each person and therapist work together, anticipating likely problems, set goals and form a plan, including arrangements for handling crises.
• Interpersonal and Social Rhythm Therapy is an adaptation of interpersonal therapy for persons with bipolar disorder and their families. Person and therapist identify problems in the person’s personal relationships and try to understand how they are related to mood swings. The therapist also emphasizes the importance of daily routines – the social rhythm. People with bipolar disorder often find it easier to stabilize their moods if they eat, read, work, go to bed and rise at the same time each day. Under therapeutic supervision, they can chart their routines and gradually change their habits until they are keeping more regular hours.
• Group Therapy and Self-Help Groups serve as a mutual support system. The group makes them feel less isolated and preoccupied with their own troubles.
• Psychodynamic Therapy can help bipolar persons develop a sense of who they are amid the chaos of mood swings. They may learn which of their life choices were influenced by mania or depression. They can be helped to resume interrupted psychological development and discuss ways rebuild their lives and their families’ lives.

Anxiety ~ “My peace I leave with you.”

Anxiety Disorder
Everyone has feelings of anxiety and worry at times; however, this disorder is an overwhelming sense of anxiety.

Symptoms of Anxiety Disorder are:

• Feeling tense
• Nervous or panic stricken
• Pounding heart
• Rapid pulse
• Sweating
• Nausea
• Dizziness
• Chest pain

Causes of symptoms may be:

• Long term, unresolved problems
• Inherited genetic trait (other relatives have anxiety disorders)
• Too much caffeine
• Chronic pain
• Medications
• Drug abuse (especially methamphetamines, cocaine, crank)
• Poor sense of coping with stress

Types of Anxiety Disorders

• Phobic Disorders-Those who have a variety of fears, such as being in a crowd, fear of tunnels, bridges, animals, elevators, etc.  People who have phobias often end up homebound.
• Anxiety States- Moments of feeling out of control, and may be followed or preceded by panic attacks.
• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder-An obsession is a persistent and troubling thought that a person cannot get rid of.  A compulsion is a need to repeat an act, such as hand washing, counting, and touching (new research indicates that addiction may be considered a form of OCD).

PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome) ~ “Perfect love casts out fear, for fear has torment”

Post Traumatic Stress-The central theme of PTSD is that people who have lived through intense trauma and have not done adequate critical incident debriefing, may later re-experience the traumatic event in disturbing ways.

You May Suffer:

• Intense, recurring, and vivid memories that dominate your life.
• Actual flashbacks, when the memory seems to feel as if it is really happening in the present.
• Nightmares that are so powerful they are more described as “night terrors”.
• Sudden and unexpected terrible emotions and thoughts that inhibit usual functioning of daily life.
• Feelings of emotional numbness.
• Feeling outside of oneself (dissociation).
• Panic attacks
• Extreme sensitivity to light, touch, noise, etc.

Treatments may include: There are many treatment strategies for PTSD.  It is a more dramatic type of anxiety, where the body and brain chemicals are reacting and are triggered without conscious awareness of why.

• Cognitive/behavioral therapy
• Relaxation therapy
• Psychotherapy
• Medication therapy
• Stress management
• Thought field therapy/EMDR
• Family therapy
• Psycho-educational therapy
• Spiritual

Spiritual therapy may include using:
 Theosomatic Medical Model in dealing with PTSD

• There is a connection between God, or faith in God, and the well-being of the body.
• Healing occurs when others pray.
• People have a better world view when they believe God transcends, and is outside of the neutral world.
• Physical and emotional symptoms decrease when framing a positive view of God (i.e., loves unconditionally, has a plan for one’s life, and will meet needs vs. God is mad, you must please him, and God is punishing).
  The Twelve Steps approach (examples)
• Admitting powerlessness to change situation or event.
• Understanding and believing that despite circumstances that a Power greater than oneself can restore sanity.

 
OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) ~ “There is a time for everything under the sun.”

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD

• This is an illness that brings disruptive thoughts and actions that cause distress and are often irrational and intrusive.  The obsession is the intrusive thoughts, and the person may know logically that the thoughts are not healthy and cause problems, but cannot control the disruption the thoughts cause in their lives.  The compulsion is a behavior that is repetitive and may be ritualistic.  These behaviors are done in order to help the person deal and cope with a sense of stress, and bring a false sense of internal comfort.
• This is a problem that affects 3-5 percent of the population.
• The onset typically occurs in adolescence or young adulthood and may start in childhood.
• Obsessions include repetitive fears of causing harm or being harmed, contamination and illness, fears of making mistakes, intrusive distressing sexual or religious imagery, and fears of losing things.
• Typical compulsions include repetitive cleaning and washing, excessive checking, ordering and arrangement of objects, and extreme hoarding and saving. When OCD causes marked distress and is interfering with the function of daily life, then treatment is recommended.
• Treatment may include cognitive behavioral therapy, medication (typically SSRI medications are utilized), and psychotherapy, dealing with issues in life that have caused severe anxiety and distress.
• Treatment also includes psycho-education, which assists a person in understanding what OCD is, how it developed, and how it needs to be treated.

Stress ~ “He is a very present help in time of need.”

Stress – Making it Manageable

What is Stress?

• It is physical
• It is perceptual
• It is emotional

Physical Stress

• The rate of wear & tear on the body
• Body reactions to physical, chemical, or emotional changes
• Physiological responses from anything that threatens, scares, worries, thrills, or pushes us.

Examples of Physical Stress

• An injury
• A bacteria or virus
• Extreme temperature changes
• Exhaustion

Perceptual Stress - What makes one person feel stressed, may have no effect on another person.

• Is based on personal experience
• Is based on personality
• Is based on self-view
• Is based on culture and environmental expectation

Emotional Stress

• Usually triggered from a sense of the unknown
• Usually some form of threat to one’s sense of security, self-esteem, way of life, or safety
• Sense of threat produces fear-especially fear of losses

They all interface - Is Stress…Good or Bad???

• We are all under stress daily.  Without it we wouldn’t move, think, get out of bed, or even care.
• Humans thrive on stress.  It is a motivator.

Body Responses

• Although your mind distinguishes between good and bad stress….Your body doesn’t.

Stress and Diet

• The body’s response to stress can alter nutritional states (directly & indirectly).
   Long-term factors*Age, * Sex, * Nutrient stores, *Genetic factors, *Chronic Disease are all factors.

Psychological variables of Stress

• Control
• Predictability
• Frustration outlets
• Perception

Stress Reduction

• Balance between work and recreation
• Proper diet and nutrition
• Talk it out
• Accept limitations
• Get enough rest
• Work off stress with positive activity
• Avoid addictive or harmful methods of relief
• Prayer & meditation
• Take things one at a time
• Do something for someone else

 < back to top >

ADD/ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder) ~ “In Him we live, move, breathe and have our being”

ADHD is a diagnosis applied to children and adults who consistently display certain characteristic behaviors over a period of time. The most common core features include:

• Distractibility (poor sustained attention to tasks)
• Impulsivity (impaired impulse control and delay of gratification)
• Hyperactivity (excessive activity and physical restlessness)
• Often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes
• Often has difficulty sustaining attention to tasks
• Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly
• Often fails to follow instructions carefully and completely
• Losing or forgetting important things
• Feeling restless, often fidgeting with hands or feet, or squirming
• Running or climbing excessively
• Often talks excessively
• Often blurts out answers before hearing the whole question
• Often has difficulty awaiting turn

It is important to note that while every child may have some of these symptoms,
it does not necessarily mean the child has ADD/ADHD.

• Become educated about ADHD.  The more you know, the more you can help your child and your family system.
• ADHD children do well with behavioral positive parenting strategies.  Praise your child when he or she does well.  Build your child’s abilities.  Talk about and encourage his or her strengths and talents.
• Consistency and clarity is what a child needs to help them feel safe and secure.  Be clear, be consistent, and be positive.  Have a reward program for good behavior and set clear standards, goals, and rules for your child.  Tell your child what he or she should do, not just what he shouldn’t do.  Be clear about what will happen if your child does not follow the rules.  Praise your child when he or she shows the behaviors you like.
• Learn about strategies for managing your child’s behavior, such as: charting, having natural consequences, reward program, ignoring behaviors, time-out, logical and consequences.  This will increase positive behaviors and cut down on problem behaviors.
• Discuss with your physician about whether medication will help your child.
• Pay attention to your own mental health.  Consider counseling in order to learn more about parenting, and help your child learn more about social skills, and how to manage their own frustrations.
• Talk to other parents whose children have ADHD.  Parents can share practical advice and emotional support.  Meet with the school, and develop an educational plan to address your child’s needs.  Both you and your child’s teachers should get a written copy of this plan.
• Keep in touch with your child’s teacher.  Tell the teacher how your child is doing at home.  Ask how your child is doing in school.  Offer support.

(Information compiled from athealth.com)

TRAGIC LOSSES

Grief  ~ “Those that sow in tears shall reap in joy.”

 Grief:

• …is a normal life process
• …is an experience
• …happens with or without permission
• …has similarities; yet, differs according to individuals and situations
• …can offer opportunity for growth or stagnation
• …is having something/someone taken from us-whether fair or unfair

1. Children enter into a world full of unpredictability & loss.
2. Western Culture wants immediacy, and grief takes time.
3. Other countries promote and enhance bereavement.
4. Parents are frequently intimidated to be honest with children regarding losses, due to their own fears or uncertainties.
5. Friends mistake respect for privacy for friendship through avoidance.

With Permission

• A person can benefit from grief as a time to gain knowledge and understanding of life’s stages and processes.
• A person can begin to re-evaluate their significance in life.
• A person can begin to reframe beliefs, faith, and hope in God.
• A person can graciously seek help if feeling stuck.
• A person can begin to see beyond immediacy towards an eternal perspective.

Mourning…is the process of working through grief over time.  It includes public responses,  rituals, community, time-frames, religious responses and culture.

Grief… is experienced with any loss.  Losses include:

• Divorce - Loss of identity, financial strain, family conflict, feeling isolated, loss of social status, death of a dream, can make a person feel second-class
• Abuse - broken trust, fragmented self, mental illness, somatic disease, repeating of patterns.
• Secondary losses - Abortion, adoption, miscarriage, foster children, retirement, infertility.

Remember that with all losses, a person will go through the stages of grief.

Trauma ~ “He gives us beauty for ashes”

 Trauma Related Stress

• Persons who have experience a perceptually traumatic event such as a death, abuse (sexual or physical) fatal accident, near death experience, or near death experience of a loved one.
• Psychological and physical reactions are normal, but should be resolved within 6 weeks.
• Thoughts or nightmares about event
• Trouble sleeping
• Lack of appetite
• Memory problems
• Increased irritability
• Crying
• Fears of death
• Avoidance of activities related to trauma

Acute Stress Response

• A person experiences, witnesses, or is confronted with actual death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or other
• A person’s response involves intense fears, sense of helplessness, or horror
• Symptoms are still present four to six weeks later
• If an acute stress response is not dealt with effectively, it can become PTSD
    (Excerpt from DSM IV)

Chronic Pain ~ “When we are weak, then He is strong.”

Chronic Pain/Illness

• Chronic illness-causes anger, fear, feeling misunderstood, isolattion, identity problems, frequent problems with medication or substance abuse.
• The source of pain is often non-specific & in multiple locations.
• Pain messages move up & down spinal column. Signals are felt as aching, burning, numbing, tingling, or throbbing.
• Pain gates open to allow messages through.
• Pain interpreted as pain, but brain can’t tell body to move the source.
• Brain can’t control pain effectively. Body gets tired, worn down, or depressed, which inhibits sending natural pain killers.

Causes of Chronic Pain

• Injuries
• Arthritis
• Back & neck problems
• Migraine headaches
• Ulcers
• Cancer
• Other diseases
  o Unknown

Common sites

• Back (most common)
• Head & neck
• Joints
• Stomach
• Muscles
• Nerves

Myths about Chronic Pain

• If no one can find a reason, it must all be in your head.
• If it is just ignored, it will go away.
• Pain must mean you are doing something wrong.
• People who act like they are in pain do it for sympathy, or to get out of work.
• Health care providers should be able to do something about the pain.

Multidisciplinary Approach to Treatment
Emotional Treatment

• Relaxation/Visualization
• Cognitive/Behavioral
• Stress Management
• Hypnosis
• Biofeedback
• Occupational Therapy
• Support Group
• Education

Physical Treatment

Physical therapy

• Nutrition counseling
• Acupuncture/myofascial massage
• Procedure: tens unit, nerve block, surgery
• Stretch/exercise/walk
• Pain medication

Divorce Recovery  “He will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Divorce

• 45-55% of marriages end in divorce
• Marriage is a risk
• Second marriages are greater risks
• Over 50% of couples continue to have conflict after the divorce
• People are happier when married
• Society no longer supports lasting marriages
• Over one million children are affected by divorce 
   
  Typical issues include
• Finances
• Child rearing
• Sexual problems
• Addictions
• Poor communication
• Power struggles
• Lack of common interest
• Problems with relatives
• Blended family issues
• Lack of spiritual direction
• Child rearing
• Family of origin issues
  o Many others

 Most divorce is caused by barriers in interpersonal relatedness including:

• Fear of rejection
• Selfishness
• Lack of safety
• High conflict
• Avoidance of dealing with issues
• Withdrawing

 Divorce and Remarriage

• Divorce represents one of the greatest heartbreaks and feeling of failure in human life, and is a tragedy; however, sometimes it is a necessity, based on abusive and debilitating behaviors.
• Instances of adultery, physical, emotional, sexual abuse, as well as debilitating addictions, may necessitate a time of separation for healing of the marriage and learning new strategies.  If “destruction of the soul” is imminent, then divorce may be the final step.  “Each must work out their own salvation with fear and trembling.”
• We believe that divorce is not a solution to unhappiness or discord, for often those feelings merely enter into the next relationship unresolved.
• We believe remarriage after divorce is an option of grace, and certainly grace is upheld:
• When the first marriage and divorce is prior to a spiritual awakening
• When a mate is guilty of sexual immorality
• When a partner abandons the family, refusing to obtain help, and there is no hope for salvaging the relationship.
• Other abandonment or adultery may include lewd, repetitive acts of violence, abuse of the partner, substances, pornography, or any other behavior that brings destruction of the partner.

 Recovery from Divorce

• Divorce demands a time of grieving
• Divorce is not an event in time, but a life process
• Divorce changes our current status (financial, family, social, etc
• Divorce changes our children

 To begin the adventure of divorce recovery, we must:

• Take responsibility for our part
• Begin the grief process
• Be fair and forgiving (not seeking retaliation
• Regain a sense of self identity before seeking out another relationship
• Remember: the children did not divorce the other parent
   
  History of Abuse

 History of abuse and neglect
 
When a person has a history of abuse and or neglect, it can be a compounding factor into adulthood. 
These problems can include:

• Increased risk of physical Illness
• Partner intimacy issues
• Sexual Problems
• Increase risk for Anxiety and Depression
• Increase risk of Addictions
• Negatively affect Spirituality
• Cause Parent child problems

 To witness violence as a child:

• Is considered to be as harmful as being a direct victim
• Of 22.3 million children ages 12-17, 9 million have witnessed serious violence
• 75% of incarcerated males, ages 17-25, grew up in violent homes

 Effects of witnessing domestic violence:

• Infants have poorer health, sleep problems and excessive screaming
• Children suffer multiple somatic problems, sleep disturbances, excessive fears and worries, lying, cheating, over-responsibility and psychiatric disturbances when witnesses to domestic violence
• Childhood maltreatment increases risks for arrests for violent crimes in adulthood

ADDICTIONS

Addiction is any behavior that a person cannot stop doing, even if it brings bad results.  They just keep doing it even if it causes damage, hurt or pain.

Did you know that a lot of times when we think we are helping family or friends, it can really be hurting them?  Did you know that there are times when we think family or friends are helping us and they are really hurting us?

We can be helping them to continue to have addictive behavior.  This is called “enabling” and happens when we try to protect people from consequences.

• It makes a person think that when problems start getting tough then there will always be someone there to take care of them, defend them or help them. 
• It keeps them from learning how to problem solve and from facing consequences that will actually help them to be better people (better friends and family members).

Some examples of addiction are obvious…some are not as obvious, and may even seem good!

• Playing video games too much
• Drinking to much alcohol
• Smoking cigarettes
• Doing drugs
• Overeating
• Looking at pornography
• Over working
• Raging
• Too much T.V.
• Over-cleaning (your parents would probably like this)!
• Over-exercising
• Gambling
• Can you think of other things?

Addiction as a Family Disorder
Co- Dependency and Boundaries:

• Co-dependency is a phenomenon that occurs for many reasons. 
• It is a lack of sense of completion of oneself
• I feel good about myself only when I am controlling others or being controlled by others
• My sense of acceptance is only fulfilled when others approve of me.
• My sense of fulfillment is dependent on others outside of myself
• I have a need to help others or have others help me

 It occurs often as a result of:

• Childhood neglect or abuse
• After a divorce
• When a person has been a victim(accident, physical or sexual abuse or assault)
• When a parent is a co-dependent and role models the behavior

 Boundaries are:

• Keeping people from coming into our space and abusing us or from us going into others space and abusing them.
• Giving us a way to help us define who we are.
• Protecting us from various kinds of abuse.

 There are external boundaries-How close we let others to us or how they affect us  physically and spatially

 There are internal boundaries

• These protect our thinking, how we feel and how we act. 
• They help us to be more balanced inside of ourselves. 
• They are like filters that block out things that make us think, feel and act in ways that harm others or ourselves.
• It makes us feel more self-respect. 
• Our internal boundaries also keep us from manipulating and controlling others around us.
• They help us to know when someone else is harming us in ways besides physical harm.

Boundaries can keep us safe and help protect us from being abused emotionally, physically, intellectually, sexually, financially or spiritually.  If there is someone who is more forceful and powerful, they can sometimes break down our boundaries externally, but no one can really completely break all of our internal boundaries.

Drugs “Put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.”

Drug addiction is a complex brain disease. It is characterized by compulsive, at times uncontrollable, drug craving, seeking, and use that persist even in the face of extremely negative consequences.

Drug seeking becomes compulsive, in large part as a result of the effects of prolonged drug use on brain functioning and, thus, on behavior. For many people, drug addiction becomes chronic, with relapses possible even after long periods of abstinence. Ask yourself;

• Have you ever felt you ought to cut down on your drinking/drug use?
• Have people ever annoyed you by criticizing your drinking/drug use?
• Have you ever felt bad or guilty about your drinking/drug use?
• Have you ever had a drink or taken a drug first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or get rid of a hangover (Eye-opener)?
• There are many signs that an individual may have a drug or alcohol addiction. The drug addiction signs listed below are cues to look for when evaluating this matter. Be aware that possessing several of these signs does not always imply that there is a drug addiction present, but if one is suspected be supportive of the individual in their road to drug addiction recovery.
   Drug addiction signs:
• Increase or decrease in appetite; changes in eating habits, unexplained weight loss or gain.
• Smell of substance on breath, body or clothes.
• Extreme hyperactivity; excessive talkativeness.
• Needle marks or bruises on lower arm, legs or bottom of feet.
• Change in overall attitude / personality with no other identifiable cause.
• Changes in friends: new hang-outs, avoidance of old crowd, new friends are drug users.
• Change in activities; loss of interest in things that were important before.
• Drop in school or work performance; skips or is late to school or work.
• Changes in habits at home; loss of interest in family and family activities.
• Difficulty in paying attention; forgetfulness.
• Lack of motivation, energy, self-esteem, discipline. Bored, "I don't care" attitude.
• Defensiveness, temper tantrums, resentful behavior (everything's a hassle).
• Unexplained moodiness, irritability, or nervousness.
• Violent temper or bizarre behavior.
• Unexplained silliness or giddiness.
• Paranoia -- suspiciousness.
• Excessive need for privacy; keeps door locked or closed, won't let people in.
• Secretive or suspicious behavior.
• Car accidents, fender benders, household accidents.
• Chronic dishonesty; trouble with police.
• Unexplained need for money; can't explain where money goes; stealing.
• Unusual effort to cover arms, legs.
• Change in personal grooming habits.
• Possession of drug paraphernalia.
  (Adapted from http://teens.drugabuse.gov/drnida/drnida_brain1.asp)

Alcohol ~ “He is a very present help in time of need.”
Alcohol Addiction (Adapted from Mental-health-matters.com)
Alcohol Addiction, or dependence, is defined as having at least 3 of the following signs: a tolerance for alcohol (needing increased amounts to achieve the same effect), withdrawal symptoms, taking alcohol in larger amounts that was intended or over a longer period of time than was intended, having a persistent desire to decrease or the inability to decrease the amount of alcohol consumed, spending a great deal of time attempting to acquire alcohol, and finally, continuing to use alcohol even though the person knows there are reoccurring physical or
psychological problems being caused by the alcohol.
Signs and symptoms of alcohol addiction:

• Drinking to calm nerves or to forget worries
• Guilt about drinking
• Unsuccessful attempts to cut down/stop drinking
• Lying about or hiding drinking habits
• Causing harm to one's self or someone else while drinking
• Blackouts
• Needing to drink increasingly greater amounts
• Feeling irritable when not drinking
• Medical, social, family, financial, or legal problems caused by drinking
• Depression
• Missed work

Sexual ~ “God is able to keep that which you commit to him.”
 
Sexual Addiction
 This is like other addictions in that it is a behavior that cannot be stopped despite  negative consequences.

• May include pornography
• Masturbation
• Illicit sexual acts (using prostitutes, multiple sexual partners, phone sex)
• It creates changes in the brain over time that create a positive chemical which reinforces the urges
   Is unlike other addictions in some ways:
• It is a natural drive and desire to have sex or have sexual pursuits-it is a part of human procreation.  It is more similar to food addictions or work addictions in that aspect.  Whereas, chemical addiction is not an innate part of human survival, and easier to identify and focus on abstinence.
• It does not leave a person impaired, as would an alcohol or substance abuse addiction.
   Some identifying symptoms:
• The behavior increases over time (but may level out)
• The behavior is self-destructive
• The activity takes up too much time and/or costs too much money
• It affects a person's physical health.
• Addictions have a terrible effect on relationships
• The behavior is used to alter moods
• The inability to be satisfied by the behavior
• The person tries to stop, but does not succeed

 Treatment

• Admit there is a problem
• Seek help
• Get into an accountability group or get an accountability partner other than significant other
• Get therapy-cognitive behavioral, psychodynamic, educational
• Utilize the 12-step principles
• Go to marital or couple counseling if it has damaged relationship
• Learn better coping strategies and problem-solving to deal with stress

Internet ~ “God is our refuge and our strength, our song and our salvation.”

 Internet or computer/video game addiction

• A pattern of using the internet or playing video games that begins to cause problems in a person’s work, school, social,  recreational, spiritual, and family life. 
• Despite these problems, the person continues to indulge in the behavior.
• The person often uses the computer in secret because of guilt.

 Symptoms:  Psychological

• Having a change in body chemicals that give a sense of euphoria when using the computer.
• Cannot stop using the computer despite various attempts.
• Neglect of close relationships.
• Decline in daily performance duties.
• Lying to others about the time spent in the activity.
• Craving more and more time in the activity.

 Physical symptoms

• Dry eyes
• Hurting eyes
• Carpal tunnel symptoms
• Headaches
• Missing meals
• Back aches
• Sleep problems

Failure to take care of oneself (grooming, etc)  < back to top >

Results often create high rates of discontent in marriages, children learn to operate under negative reinforcement, and grades often drop.  There is also risk of being fired or a divorce.

Self-mutilation ~ “Be strengthened with power and might in your inner man.”
 Self- Mutilation

• Estimated that one out of every 200 teen girls between the ages of 13 and 19 practice self-abusive behavior
• Estimated that 2 million cases are in the US alone.
• Self-abusive and mutilating behaviors include cutting, burning, wound interference, and picking.
• Cutting is when the teen will use a razor blade, knife, broken mirror, or a piece of glass to “cut” their skin, allowing it to bleed openly for several minutes.
• Burning is the practice of placing cigarettes, hot metal, lighters, or lit matches to the skin and causing a burn.
• The practice of wound interference is done by creating a wound, whether it is a cut, burn, bruise, or bump, and preventing it from healing by tearing, picking, or pushing on the wound.
• Picking is done when a self-mutilator literally “picks” at their skin until a wound is created and bleeds.
  Those that do self-abusive behaviors are attempting to feel relief from stress, pain, fear, or anxiety. Often acted out by teen girls, but affects at least 11 thousand boys a year, as well. It is a result of feeling out of control regarding their life, and they do this in an attempt to regain that control. People say that it feels good to be in charge of their own pain, rather than always having others inflict pain on them.
   Identifying those involved
• It is hard to identify those who are involved in self-abuse.  It is similar to a compulsive behavior that is used for coping strategies.
• Usually they are good students, look normal, interested in school and school activities, and their parents may actually be involved in their lives and in community activities.
• They come from an above average socio-economic status.
• They may be reluctant to be involved in activities that require a change of clothes in front of others.
• They are usually pleasers, and will often feel responsible for conflict or stress in relationships.

Symptoms or signs

• Scars that look like old injuries, with no real explanation.
  o Making illogical explanations for wounds or injuries.
  o Acting embarrassed when asked about wounds.
  o Locking themselves in rooms alone for long periods of time.

Treatment

• May benefit from a serotonin medication to help alleviate anxiety and depression
• Cognitive behavioral therapy
• Accountability partner
• Learning how to express feelings and emotions
• Psychotherapy
• Increased spiritual awareness (rather than feeling extreme guilt and unacceptability)

Spending   “It is better to give than to receive.”

 Spending Addiction (4therapy.com)

• The need to buy or spend money on items that are not necessarily needed or required to have
• The financial results, as well as the time involved in spending begin to create problems in relationships, family, and budget planning
• It may often lead to lying
• Secret spending
• Opening separate secret accounts (credit card, bank, internet, etc.)
• Deep feelings of internal guilt and external justification
• It is similar to other addictive behaviors, and has some of the same characteristics as a drinking problem (alcoholism), gambling, and overeating addictions

Gambling  “As we return to the Lord, He has mercy upon us and abundantly pardons us.”

Definition of Pathological Gambling
(adapted from the Harvard Mental Health Letter, March 2004)

Pathological gambling involves five or more of the following:

• Preoccupation with past, present, and future gambling experiences, and with ways to obtain money for gambling
• Need to increase the amount of wagers
• Repeated unsuccessful efforts to cut back or stop
• Becoming restless or irritable when trying cut back or stop
• Gambling to escape from everyday problems or to relieve feelings of helplessness, anxiety, or depression
• Trying to recoup immediately after losing money (chasing losses)
• Lying about gambling
• Committing illegal acts to finance gambling
• Losing or jeopardizing a personal relationship, job, or career opportunity because of gambling
• Requesting gifts or loans to pay gambling debts

The treatment of compulsive gambling resembles substance abuse treatment. Widely used methods include psychodynamic therapy, 12- step groups, motivational interviewing, and cognitive and behavioral therapies, often in combination.  < back to top >

NEED A BOOST?

 Self-esteem

Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is all the information received from a person’s environment.  It is how a person perceives how they are viewed by others, and also how they view themselves.

There can be both good and bad esteem.

Good esteem is:

• Confidence and satisfaction in oneself
• Proper respect of oneself as a human being
• Self-opinion of one’s own quality or ability

Bad esteem is:

• Disrespect and lack of personal care
• Devaluing personal successes
• Allowing others to devalue who you are

Factors in developing esteem include:

• The degree of friendliness from significant others.
• An enhancing environment that praises people and teaches people to praise themselves.
• Positive physical activity.
• Positive attitudes and actions towards others.
• The willingness and ability to express feelings openly.
• An environment that emphasizes personal strengths.
• An ability to own one’s own progress.

Self Esteem Work:

• Thankfulness:  Each day I think of at least 10 things I am thankful for.
• Meditation:  I think on positive things and refuse to listen to negative self talk.
• Prayer:  I pray daily for myself and others.
• Praise:  I sing songs and listen to music that have lyrics that lift my soul and make me feel good about myself and others.
• Exercise: I take time to stretch, breath, and exercise in ways that get my heart flowing, and help to tone and strengthen my body
• Nutrition: I eat healthy food that makes me have energy to deal with each day, and gives my body the nutrients to fight off diseases.
• Communications:  I speak positive things to others, and I refuse to listen to gossip, negative, and damaging conversations.
• Humor:  I take time to laugh and have fun each day.
• Journaling:  I write down my feelings and thoughts, that I may know myself better.
• Relaxing:  I find ways to bring calm and relaxation to my mind and body when dealing with the struggles in life.
• Family:  I make sure and let my family know how important they are to me each day.
• Friends:  I realize I need people to share my joy and sadness with, so I seek out relationships that make my life better.
• Social:  I need to have activities that bring me a sense of belonging, so I am a part of some social group.
• Education:  I am a learning person; therefore, I try to always be learning something new.
• Creative:  God made me creative, like himself; therefore, I find hobbies, talents and character gifts that enhance my life and others around me.

Steps to Building Up your Self Esteem

• Make a personal decision to change - not based on others’ opinion or coercion, but based on self-inventory of wanting to improve yourself.
• Change how you look at yourself.  See yourself clearly, both positive and negative traits, recognizing that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
• Say positive things about yourself out loud and to others.  Not bragging, but acknowledging your strengths, gifts, and abilities.
• Re-examine your relationship with others, and begin to make changes of destructive patterns you have had.  Admit and be willing to change poor relationship dynamics that have brought negative consequences to yourself and others.
• Get rid of the negative thoughts in your head.  Listen to your internal dialogue, and begin to change the words and phrases.
• Write positive notes about yourself around the house, in the car, etc.  Jot down some true ideas or scriptures that you want to believe about yourself, and read them out loud when you see them.
• Absorb positive comments by others.  Absorb, rather than reject positive thoughts that people remark about you.
• Make specific changes in the weaknesses of your personality.  After you have carefully given thought to your personality traits that are unpleasant or difficult, then decide on one or two that you want to begin to make improvements on.
• Give and get (appropriate) hugs.  Usually with the same gender, or relatives, take the opportunity to experience healthy affection.
• Practice meaningful conversation with others.  Move past superficial or self-pitying conversation.  Begin to listen and share healthy and uplifting communication.
• Work within your therapeutic relationship.  If possible, find a therapist who can help you to learn about yourself, about healthy life principles, and begin to practice strategies of living within a safe and non-critical environment.

 
Career choice

Let us help you with:

• Learning quick strategies for successful job hunting
• Writing a resume that gets results
• Writing a cover letter that gets results
• Interviewing with confidence
• Interviewing do's and don'ts
• Frequently asked interview questions
• Questions for screening the employer
• How to increase your value and get paid more
  (Adapted from Christiancareercenter.com)

 Decision-making
 (Transitionscounseling.com)

• Are you stuck making certain decisions in you life?
• Are you tired of not knowing what your next step is, because you are afraid of making the wrong decision?
• If your work or relationships are just not what you had dreamed of, this type of counseling may be for you.
• Did you know that effective decision-making is a learned behavioral skill that can be developed or enhanced by anyone, at any age?
• Did you know that the individual way in which you make decisions is significant to your success?
• Through these counseling sessions you will finally understand why you may hate change, and learn how to finally look forward to it, & embrace it forever. You will discover and become clear about your core beliefs, & how they have influenced every decision you have ever made.

< back to top >

 Health & Wellness

Laughter & friendliness are contagious.

• Rather than getting on the internet for fearful updates, pull up some funny jokes and share with friends.  Rather than watching depressing news, get a comedy and watch it with family or friends.

Extending a helping hand to others.
Rather than isolating or hoarding goods…go help a neighbor.  Instead of being wrapped up in your own fears…Listen to others and comfort them.

• Share your courage when others are fearful
  Remember hard times gone by and the courage you displayed (or courage that others displayed) to get through it.
• Donate money, time, and expertise to worthwhile organizations
• Give of yourself and your earnings. Volunteer and help in church, or within the community.  Recent studies indicate that people who reach out to others live longer and are happier.  Of course the Bible says, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

Church & community activities
There is strength in numbers and in comforting.  Be a member of a local church.  We get our strength and give strength to others this way. Get involved in church for spiritual strength and support. Belong to community groups, where you increase your sense of personal and community worth.

Pets

• Having pets to care for and bring moments of nurturing helps us take our minds off ourselves and learn to love again even if we have been wounded.

Sports

• Attend or become involved, either as spectator or be actively involved, in recreational sports.  Family leisure
  Most important is remembering to do leisure activities with those who are closest to us. Continuing to enjoy life and its’ healthy pleasures are important.

Exercise
Exercising 3 times a week, getting a working cardiovascular heart rate, helps us to think more clearly, feel more fit, and gain personal satisfaction and accomplishment, as well as living a longer and more fulfilling life.

Nutrition
Eating healthy is a lifestyle and not a diet.  Often people comfort eat, and it becomes as much of an addiction as drugs or alcohol.  Learning to eat healthy may mean you need to redefine eating patterns of childhood, and select a nutritional plan that is one you could do consistently, rather than a fad for a few days or weeks.

• New opportunities
  Take time to see and pursue new goals and opportunities.  One of life’s most debilitating problems is when people feel hopeless, useless, and worthless.  When people get bored, they are limited in hope towards their future.
• Work
  Working gives a person a sense of achievement and accomplishment.  It fulfills a need to provide for basic human needs, as well as an opportunity to pursue wants and desires.  The Bible says “A Laborer is worthy of their hire.”
   Spirituality  < back to top >

Spirituality

• It is more than religion, for in fact often many individuals have been hurt within the context of a religious environment.  It is finding a personal relationship with the Heavenly Father through the love of Jesus Christ and what he has done for us, and experiencing the power, comfort, and love of the Holy Spirit.
• Spirituality is learning to love, forgive, express compassion, and take care of ourselves, while at the same time caring for others. 
• It is understanding and pursuing our giftings and callings, not merely for ourselves, but for the benefit of the Body of Christ.
• It is judging ourselves rightly and understanding healthy boundaries and life principles.
• It is recognizing our human weaknesses; yet, realizing God still loves us and can work in and through us despite them.

How does a person recognize they have a spiritual need?

• Having a feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction that can never seem to be filled.
• Feeling anger, bitterness, and resentment, and unable to let it go.
• Having experiences within a church setting that have caused you such harm, you cannot darken a church door.
• Having hidden addictions that separate you from your loved ones.
• Always wondering if you died, would you go to heaven
• Feeling perpetual guilt and shame, as if you are unworthy of God’s grace and love.

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